Also, I didn't use my camera at all, so I stole all these pictures from Val.
We traveled, as I suggested at the end of my last post, via a midnight train. The locomotive itself was designed for just such a trip, with beds rather than seats. They were packed tight but very comfortable.
I had a romantic image in my head about maybe staying awake all night to watch the Russian landscape, but it turns out that during winter at least it's mostly gray and boring, so I slept most of the way there.
I accidentally bought carbonated water and was burping all night.We arrived around ten am and were immediately subjected to a van tour of the city. Our tour guide was a very kind lady who almost spoke english well. On day one we also saw the Yusapov palace and the Russian Museum. Words fail, so I will launch a salvo of images from my jealousy cannon, after each of which I will attempt to say something clever (also spliced in are photos from the second day where we visited two more palaces, and the third day when we saw the hermitage and a big fucking church)
This mofo couldn't blow up anything even if it wanted to right now; the whole harbor is frozen.
Maybe you're more literate than me so you already know who this is . I'll give you a hint: Russia's first rapper. (Bonus points if you know why that's racist.)
Peter the Great. You can't see it but that horse is curb stomping a snake. There aren't any snakes here because Peter fucking took care of it. That's why they call him great. Man I love Russia.
Some palace. Or maybe the Hermitage (which is also some palace).
Bling motherfuckin' bling. I bet Pushkin lived here.
Like all the chandeliers, these were originally lit using real candles. So, that was basically some dude's job; he sat around all day with a pole keeping candles lit.
A little known fact about Rasputin was his murderers were all made (and poorly) out of wax. This was actually one of the most interesting parts of the trip; everyone's heard the story of how Rasputin got poisoned, shot a bunch of times, and then wrapped in a carpet and thrown into the river with the autopsy revealing that he finally died of drowning. While some crazy shit did go down (he survived the poison attempt and the initial gunshots), the last part was only invented so that he could not be sainted (in the orthodox faith you can't be sainted if you drown; if God really loved you he'd put you on a crucifix at least.) Or, anyway, that's what our tour guide said.
I don't have anything really to say about this one so let me tell you more about our tour guide. In recalling Russian history she had a hilarious habit of emphasizing physical appearances as reflections of the greatness or not-so-greatness of particular historical figures. Without fail the beloved Russian tsarinas were recalled as "the most beautiful of their time, 1.8 meters tall with long legs and a good figure," while the hated ones were "not so very good looking at all." The only exception to this rule was Pushkin, but to compensate he had the most beautiful wife in town.
Followers of the Orthodox faith worship in cartoons.
And here's one unobscured by nerds.
This is basically what I did during the day. Like a true wildcat I also had adventurous evenings, but unfortunately I'm still recovering and thus exhausted so I'll save those stories for next time.
This mofo couldn't blow up anything even if it wanted to right now; the whole harbor is frozen.
Maybe you're more literate than me so you already know who this is . I'll give you a hint: Russia's first rapper. (Bonus points if you know why that's racist.)
Peter the Great. You can't see it but that horse is curb stomping a snake. There aren't any snakes here because Peter fucking took care of it. That's why they call him great. Man I love Russia. 
Some palace. Or maybe the Hermitage (which is also some palace).
Bling motherfuckin' bling. I bet Pushkin lived here.
Like all the chandeliers, these were originally lit using real candles. So, that was basically some dude's job; he sat around all day with a pole keeping candles lit.
A little known fact about Rasputin was his murderers were all made (and poorly) out of wax. This was actually one of the most interesting parts of the trip; everyone's heard the story of how Rasputin got poisoned, shot a bunch of times, and then wrapped in a carpet and thrown into the river with the autopsy revealing that he finally died of drowning. While some crazy shit did go down (he survived the poison attempt and the initial gunshots), the last part was only invented so that he could not be sainted (in the orthodox faith you can't be sainted if you drown; if God really loved you he'd put you on a crucifix at least.) Or, anyway, that's what our tour guide said. 
I don't have anything really to say about this one so let me tell you more about our tour guide. In recalling Russian history she had a hilarious habit of emphasizing physical appearances as reflections of the greatness or not-so-greatness of particular historical figures. Without fail the beloved Russian tsarinas were recalled as "the most beautiful of their time, 1.8 meters tall with long legs and a good figure," while the hated ones were "not so very good looking at all." The only exception to this rule was Pushkin, but to compensate he had the most beautiful wife in town. 
Followers of the Orthodox faith worship in cartoons.
And here's one unobscured by nerds. This is basically what I did during the day. Like a true wildcat I also had adventurous evenings, but unfortunately I'm still recovering and thus exhausted so I'll save those stories for next time.
I like the Pushkin comment, which managed to be horrible and funny at the same time. Have you read Onegin?
ReplyDeleteI mean, do you intend to?
ReplyDelete